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Somethin’ Bad
Posted 3 April 2015 / By MC / Archives/ Drunken Debauchery/ Featured/ The Pretty Girl Mafia

Stand on the bar, stomp your feet, start clapping

Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen

Drinks keep coming, throw my head back laughing

Wake up in the morning’ don’t know what happened

Whoa… Something bad

Whoa… Something bad

– Miranda Lambert (feat. Carrie Underwood)


My big toe has been numb for five days. Read More

Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On

He’s on the dance floor yelling, “Freebird”

Singing off pitch but he knows every word

Grabs him another girl he hold on tight

He don’t see ugly

Through blood shot eyes

He’ll fall apart when he gets home

But right now his worries are gone

Cause life looks good, good, good

So good, good, good,

Life looks good, good, good

Billy’s got his beer goggles…on

– Neal McCoy


Contrary to popular to belief, you can argue with stupid.

Stupid, being a drunk six foot two football player sportin’ a “Take a picture, it’ll last longer” muscle tank. Read More


Lord, I wonder if I’ll ever change my ways

– Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow


When we all get together… that is when it happens.

“Ohhhh, well looky there all of us are here. You know, all corralled together in the very same spot. Everyone just sitting here with one another, breaking bread, having a drink, shooting the shit, and whatnot. Huh, fancy that! Well, since I do have each of you trapped in a booth, in the middle of a restaurant, and you haven’t even gotten your salads yet… say, let’s plan our next outing!” Read More

Come Little Children

Come little children, I’ll take thee away; 

Into a land of enchantment… 

Come little children, the time’s come to play; 

Here, in my garden of magic. 

– Sarah Jessica Parker


I feel like I have told you this elevendy-hundred times, but ’tis true, Ballas – I’m a Halloweenaholic!

Every single year, I look forward to pumpkins, and costumes, and cool air, and brightly colored leaves. I heart just barely scary movies about witches, and friendly ghosts, and talking cats. I love the candy, and the tricks, and the treats, and the parties. Ahh, All Hallows Eve – muh fave. Read More

Guys Do It All The Time

I know I left my clothes all over the place

And I took your twenty bucks

No I didn’t get the front yard cut

’cause I had to wash my truck

Will you bring me a cold one, baby

And turn on the TV

We’ll talk about this later

There’s a ball game I wanna see

Guys do it all the time

And you expect us to understand

When the shoe’s on the other foot

You know that’s when it hits the fan

Get over it, honey, life’s a two way street

Or you won’t be a man of mine

Sure I had some beers with the girls last night

Guys do it all the time

– Mindy McCready


Have you ever ordered three airplane bottles of whiskey and a can of Bud Light on an hour-long flight… at one time? Have you ever negotiated a mid-crash make out session between a stranger and one of your oldest guy friends, prior to takeoff? When asked what team you are pulling for at this week’s game, have you ever looked at a plane full of people headed to Milwaukee and said, “Oh, we’re non-denominational.” Have you ever did a burnout at every. single. stoplight you came to in your rented minivan?

Well, have you ever been a girl and went on a “guys trip?” Read More

As Long As You Love Me

I don’t care who you are

Where you’re from

What you did

As long as you love me

Who you are

Where you’re from

Don’t care what you did

As long as you love me

– Backstreet Boys


Have you ever had one of those moments when you actually feel pieces of your life click together? You know those moments? A moment when everything kind of goes in slow motion and you are granted just a split-second to watch it all come together before life starts whirling around you again. Well, I had one of those a couple of weeks ago, Ballas.

Just four weeks ago most of my tween dreams came true right before my eyes… Read More

Posted 4 September 2013 / By MC / Archives/ Drunken Debauchery/ Miss Clariss Musings

I get knocked, down but I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down

I get knocked, down but I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down

I get knocked, down but I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down

I get knocked, down but I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down

(Pissing the night away, pissing the night away)

He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink

He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink

He sings the songs that remind him of the good times

He sings the songs that remind him of the best times

– Chumbawamba


As of yesterday, my week hadn’t been going so well. In an effort to brighten my own spirits, I decided to make a list of things I planned on drinking to this weekend. A Whine and Spirits list, if you will. I tried to take everything that was not-so-nice (or exceptionally good) about my week thus far and switch it around into something toast-worthy. Read More

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

When I wake up… 

Yea I know I’m going to be I’m going to be that man who wakes up next to you 

When I go out… 

Yea I know I’m going to be I’m going to be that man who goes along with you 

If I get drunk… 

Yea I know I’m going to be I’m going to be that man who gets drunk next you 

And if I heaver 

Yea I know I’m going to be I’m going to be that man who’s heavering to you 

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more 

Just to be that man who walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door

– The Proclaimers


Lately, I feel like I have been that guy. You know which one I’m talking about. That guy always rockin’ a cheese ball grin on my face, always talking about how fantastic my weekend was, always having something go my way…

I’m not that guy.

I am hardly this lucky…

Or am I? Read More

Party Rock Anthem

Party rock is in the house tonight

Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you lose your mind

We just wanna see ya shake that

Everyday I’m shufflin’

Shufflin’, shufflin’

Step up fast and be the first girl to make me throw this cash

We gettin’ money, don’t be mad now, stop, hatin’ is bad

One more shot for us, another round

Please fill up my cup, don’t mess around

We just wanna see you shake it now

Now you wanna be, you’re naked now



Ever since I can remember, I have started every September with the same phrase, “Babe, it’s almost Halloween! I looove Halloween! Like, I love it more than Christmas. Maybe we should start giving each other gifts.” And ever since I can remember, Mr. Big would reply “Do you know why girls love Halloween so much? Because it gives y’all an excuse to dress like whores.”

I guess he has a point. Read More

Just A Girl

I’m just a girl 

Guess I’m some kind of freak

‘Cause they all sit and stare 

With their eyes 

I’m just a girl 

Take a good look at me 

Just your typical prototype 

Oh… I’ve had it up to here

Oh… am I making myself clear? 

I’m just a girl

– No Doubt


I experienced one of those iconic movie moments this past weekend.

And it has haunted me ever since. Read More

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