Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I’ll leave when I wanna
– Blink 182
For those of you who are new here… I try to do an annual #thankful post.
In the past, this particular post was a smorgasbord of #thankfulness. I vehemently stuck to a “No stone left un-thanked” policy. There was no rhyme or reason to the #thanks I gave. I merely just typed out a #thankyou for whatever came to mind. It wasn’t focused or too heavy. It was schizophrenic, and often times, lighthearted. My list would include things like: relationships, and Real Housewives, and leggings, and Jesus.
As I read back through lists from years passed, it occurred to me, “My list hasn’t changed too much… but I have.”
I thought back over this year – 2015.
What changed me?
Was it the end of my relationship? The move? That three-month sabbatical? A switch in medication (haha.)? Maybe it was a combination of all the above. Who knows? But the more I rummage through my mind trying to find an answer, the less I care.
I am in a different place these days.
I require less.
Less stuff, less maintenance, less makeup, and less bullshit. I look for less reasons. Less reasons to do certain things, forget certain people, or go certain places. Less sleep. Less plans, and activities, and distractions. I expect less. Less honesty, less grace, and less love. Now, I realize, I need less of what I had and more of what I have.
And what I have is more than some silly list…
The things I have are more than a month’s worth of thankfuls. Why? Because I have love. I have good, meaningful relationships. I have an unwavering support system and a wealth of understanding. I have patience. I have grace, warm wishes, loyalty, and laughter. I have “I miss you”-s, “I can’t wait to see you”-s, “I am proud of you”-s, and “I love you”-s. I have peace.
So, this year, I want to thank the people who have made that happen.
- Momma: Thank you for understanding, for taking care of me from a far, and for always being a positive force in my life. You have shaped me into the woman I am today. Thank you for molding me into a person I can be proud of… not many mothers have a notch like that in their belt. You are one of a kind.
- Dad: Thank you for embracing my independence. I could not have the life I have now if I had been another man’s daughter. Thank you for your sense of humor. You are the kind of rock every girl needs in their world. Also, thank you for setting a good example… from now on, I will only give my time to boys that love me the way you love Momma.
- Bubba: Thank you for picking up the pieces I left on the East Coast. You saved me. My mind is at ease knowing you are taking care of the home I felt I had to leave. Thank you for being my best friend. I love being your little big sister.
- Mace: Thank you for being patient. I knew there would come a time when we could be friends – not just sisters. I enjoy our relationship now. I like that you feel you can call me and tell me about your life. I admire your large heart and sensitivity. You remind me that one does not have to be hardened to have strength.
- Sonny: Thank you for being so damn cute. You are the sweetest, most easy-going, adaptable little houndy I ever did know. Thank you for being such a good car rider. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. You are the best thing he ever did for me. Thank you for being my silver lining.
- Nana and Papa: Thank you for worrying over me. I know my move to California has caused you guys a lot of unnecessary stress… but thank you for being as supportive as you can be. Thank you for treating me like a princess. I will be home before you know it.
- Mimmie: Thank you for fighting for me – for saying exactly what is on your mind. Thank you for your honesty. You have said a few things to me in just these last few months that will stay with me forever. Thank you for making me laugh. I wouldn’t want to troubleshoot anyone else’s phone from 2,700 miles away ; ).
- Mamaw and Papaw: Thank you for always thinking about me. Although, we do not see each other often, I love knowing that you two are always keeping up with me and my shenanigans. I keep every card, every note, every everything. I think of you often. I love you both.
- Auntie Crystal: Thank you for being my friend. I am so very thankful for our non-traditional aunt/niece relationship. Our hearts beat to the same drum. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for feeling what I feel. Your loyalty is like no other.
- Uncle Jeff: Thank you for always taking care of me like I’m one of your own. Thank you for making me feel so important. It gives me so much comfort knowing I always have a room to come to when I’m ready. Have the Yuengling cold for when I come home : ).
- Auntie Tara and Uncle Mike: Thank you for checking up on me. Whether it is a job, a laugh, or just a good story… I know I can always depend on the two of you.
- Kristen: Thank you. For the roof over my head, for supporting me in every way imaginable, and for giving me a way out. These past few months have been everything I needed and so much more. Thank you for being fiercely protective. Thank you for being constantly concerned about me. Thank you for being someone I can come home to, and laugh with, and cry on. How can I ever repay you?
- Tay: Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in my life. I am so grateful for our friendship – it is easy and organic. Thank you for giving me the push I needed to pack up my bags and get the hell out of dodge. You tell me everything I need to hear. Thank you for being my biggest cheerleader. Thank you for being the quintessential best friend.
- Kaley: Thank you for dropping everything and coming across the country with me at (kinda) the last minute. Thank you for being so damn thoughtful. I am so happy we are so close and I love having you and Colby in my life.
- Heaty: Thank you for always being up for anything. We are two peas in a pod and I am so very thankful our relationship has grown into what it has. I miss you something terrible out here. Bubs kept saying before I left, “How you gonna break up the Three Musketeers (me, you, and Jeby [Midget]) like that?!” Hahaha. Thank you for making me your third wheel when I could have spent the last two years alone.
- Midget: Thank you for taking care of me, for protecting me, and for being so fucking understanding. After all of these years – and all of my shit – you would still do anything for me. Thank you for giving me Heather.
- Joan: Thank you for being the yin to my yang. You balance me. Your eclectic personality vibes just perfectly with my over-the-top presence. Thank you for the different perspective you bring to my world. Thank you for long talks and late night giggles.
- Ashleigh: Ahh, my sista. Thank you for being a guaranteed belly laugh. Your heart is bigger than you are – thank you for sharing it with me. Thank you for being just as gangsta as I am, if not a tad bit more…
- Katie: Thank you for holding my hand the last few months. Thank you for your constant words of encouragement. Thank you for making me smile when no one could. Thank you for listening and understanding.
- Stace: Thank you for being so funny, and so sassy, and so friggin’ sneaky. You are a woman after my own heart.
- Susan: Thank you for helping me “fake it ’til I made it.” You were often times the brightest spot of my days. Thank you for being so honest and loyal. Thank you for being such a force – a positive presence – in my life when I needed it most.
- Gaily: Thank you for being my Work Momma. Thank you for hours of silly conversations and stories. Thank you for giving me a spot in your cube.
- Dan: Thank you for letting me borrow your wife for six-ish months. I am so grateful for the opportunity you two have given me. Thank you for being a Navy man. We can’t wait for you to come home!
- Kayla: Thank you for being the good time I need. I love that we can always pick up where we left off.
- Donna and Greg: Thank you for taking me in and giving me a permanent seat at your dinner table (haha). My Momma’s mind can rest easy back home knowing that I am in such good hands out here.
- R.J. and April: Thank you for your kind words and your loyalty. Your sweet messages mean the world to me. You two truly know my struggle and I am so thankful for your friendship.
- Wes: Thank you for always bailing me out. I miss having you as my work husband but it is such a relief knowing I can call on you for help. Thank you for putting up with me for so long. I am so grateful for all you do.
- Ballas: Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for coming back week after week… even when I sound like a broken record. Thank you for being so kind and considerate.
- “The Boys” (+ Renee): Thank you for setting the bar so high. Thank you for being the kind of team that made the decision to leave so freaking hard, yet, so freaking easy. Thank you for treating me like your little sister – a princess. Thank you for supporting me, rooting for me, and encouraging me to go on this adventure.
- Caro: Thank you for being my little slice of home in California. I love that we have managed to bring the best of Chili’s out to the West Coast.
- The Detective: Thank you for telling me I’m pretty : ).